


it kinda smells like son seungwan

by throwaway18



Series: she keeps me warm [4]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throwaway18/pseuds/throwaway18
Summary: wendy writes a series of entries in a journal for lia
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Series: she keeps me warm [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790314
Comments: 25
Kudos: 73





	it kinda smells like son seungwan

**Author's Note:**

> wenrene day one-shot

Dear Julia,

I want to preface this by saying that I did not dream of becoming a parent nor did I want to be one.

And neither did Irene. I’m positive of that.

This is to explain for the missteps we’ve had in the past three days. We’re not cut out for this child-rearing thing.

Yet here we are, being handed with the custody over you. I don’t know what your mom and dad were thinking in naming Irene and I as your joint guardians when we can barely breathe in the same room. This has completely blindsided us. It has been exhausting. Living together while mourning and taking care of you have been increasingly challenging for the both of us.

I am burnt-out.

I can’t stand her.

I haven’t slept in 24 hours.

But I can’t give up on you.

  
Dear Julia,

I should resent your dad for choosing me. Being his best friend doesn’t necessarily mean I’m the most suitable candidate for this position. Your mom has her shortcomings for choosing Irene either. She and I are incompatible, and we weren’t prepared for this sudden responsibility.

I really do have the urge to resent that guy, but all I can do is miss him.

I shouldn’t be here.

He should have been in my place.

I miss your mom too.

  
Dear Julia,

It’s weird to be writing this to a one year-old, but for all the feelings I can’t verbalize from the tragedy that’s happened, I find comfort in writing them out.

If there are things I am unable to explain to you when you’re much older, as I may not be there to personally tell you, maybe this will help fill in the gaps. Or maybe you’ll tumble upon this journal by yourself and read all the messes I’ve made.

This sounds like a farewell.

It probably is.

I wish I could have done better.

  
Dear Julia,

I’m sorry for panicking.

Irene caught me before I could leave and slapped me for being selfish. For walking away behind her back. It was then I had an epiphany. You had nowhere else to go. No other living relative to raise you. Foster care would be your next home.

Your dad would have been heartbroken.

My conscience couldn’t live with that.

I broke down for the first time since the avalanche.

  
Dear Julia,

Irene and I made compromises with our schedules. The house had also undergone some redesigning. Not to be rude to your parents, but the big framed picture of them above the fireplace has been giving me the goosebumps. The will did state we are allowed to make changes while we have you.

In the meantime, their portraits will be at the attic. We agreed to tell you their stories once we feel you’re ready.

Irene has got this scrapbook idea for that moment and I told her we’ll cross the bridge when we get there. She’s always way ahead of herself. She likes to plan things in advance whereas I like to live in the present. I guess that’s the biggest turn-off I had when your mom and dad set us up on a blind date.

Though, I have to give her credit for seamlessly stepping in to her role as your guardian. She’s got a fifth sense for these situations. Yesterday, she ran into your room before you fell out of your crib. How she sensed that is beyond me.

We’ve been doing okay for the most part. We had this sort of truce and we promised to shove our differences aside and to put you first. Sometimes, she still annoys me. Just not as much as she used to. From co-habiting with her for the past two months, she’s pretty alright half the time.

  
Dear Julia,

It has been months since my last entry.

I was busy on feeding you, watching ‘Baby Shark’ for the millionth time and making sure you don’t escape from your crib, you little mountain climber. You gave us a heart attack last week after the baby monitor showed an empty crib on its screen. You had bounded off to the kitchen by yourself.

Thank God the house only has a single floor.

Irene went nuts on baby-proofing anything potentially threatening, with every possible harmful scenario she could think of. I’d normally say she’s overreacting, but from the stunt you pulled, it’s a reasonable logic.

You’ve been babbling more on the regular. Surely, you can’t wait to be involved in our conversations. I wonder if your first word would be in Korean or in English. Irene insists we alternate the languages whenever we’re speaking to you. You won’t be going to Korea soon, but it’s a good practice.

Oh, and you’re almost two now.

Your other aunties are helping us plan it.

Your mom would’ve loved this.

  
Dear Julia,

The time you begin dating is the event I dread on a sleepless night. I’ll have Irene’s dating history to blame on if you wind up changing your date every three months.

In our peculiar arrangement, we’ve given each other the okay to date. I have been on a date one time, however my mind was drowning with baby stuff that needed to be done in my mental checklist. Who knew I’d be pressed about a toddler’s playdate? The fact is, I’m not equipped to be on the dating scene as of writing this.

For the succeeding months, my Saturday night dates will have to be you and Paw Patrol. Your bottle of milk and my usual order of milktea.

I’m satisfied with my peaceful weekends with you.

  
Dear Julia,

You called me “Mommy”.

I bawled like a baby.

  
Dear Julia,

Irene is being a sore loser about you calling me “Mommy”.

She’s been getting you to call her “Eomma”.

God, she’s so competitive.

  
Dear Julia,

You have officially entered into your terrible two’s!

You were fussy about getting dressed for your birthday party, which was a fun spectacle to behold at the corridor. You had to wear the purple dress Irene picked out for you as my choice of a blue dress was discarded in the closet since I lost at rock, paper, scissors. I’m honestly confident that my choice would have been worn without your cute complaints.

I went up to the attic and noticed something I didn’t bother checking on before.

It was a poorly crafted piñata your dad made. It had a note taped on it, scribbled with his intention to have it for your second birthday. I don’t understand the context behind it. I didn’t understand many things about him.

I cried anyway.

  
Dear Julia,

I dreamt of your dad. He said he and your mom were sorry for leaving so soon and for springing you up on us. And then he thanked us for being amazing parental figures regardless of how this flipped our lives upside down.

I woke up.

I cried again.

  
Dear Julia,

Law school is tough.

Witnessing your smile and hearing your laugh pumps me up with energy.

Irene makes me coffee too which is cool.

  
Dear Julia,

Today, you finally called Irene “Eomma” after several fruitless attempts. I would’ve offered her my congratulations, but I was too stunned from her saying “our baby just called me Eomma”. The word “our” kept echoing in my head. It just hit me that we really were raising you together. That this is our reality.

If one of us were to get into a serious relationship and eventually marry, where would you go?

One thing I can swear to you is that I would never leave you.

  
Never.

  
Dear Julia,

Joy made this comment while we took you for a stroll about having you as a default wingwoman. Your adorable cheeks and infectious laugh have lured in a number of women to approach me. I didn’t dwell on it until the girl of my dreams came into picture.

Here’s the deal, Lia.

Krystal Jung is a reserved law student from my university who hardly pays attention to anyone. The afternoon we were at the mall, she complimented your teddy bear onesie and spoke to me for the first time. She was impressed with my ability to juggle school and raising you, and she called me a superstar.

Well, I was super star struck.

We talked a bit more. You seemed to be fond of Krystal and she was very engaging in reciprocating your babbles of affection. I took the courage so now I have a date.

Maybe Joy is right?

  
Dear Lia,

You love that nickname, don’t you?

Lia.

My precious baby Lia.

I love you.

  
Dear Lia,

The trip to the supermarket was an interesting one. Your Eomma has an impeccable nose in hunting for sausages. An employee in a booth was cooking free samples and Irene blurted, “It kinda smells like Son Seungwan” out of the blue.

I wasn’t sure what it meant so I asked her. She said it just smelled like I was cooking us breakfast, similar to what I do at home. Here I thought she meant I naturally smelled of sausages.

  
Dear Lia,

I really like Krystal. On our fifth date, she didn’t just give you kisses when she stopped by, she also gave me one on the lips and hugged goodnight.

Irene rolled her eyes at the small PDA. It was a quick peck. She’s just cranky because she doesn’t have a date. Actually, she hasn’t dated in months.

She loves spending time with you though.

  
Dear Lia,

Tonight, I postponed my date with Krystal to tend to your Eomma. Her fever was so high from working an unnecessary overtime. Irene is a hotshot tech workaholic who somehow can still ensure she has adequate time with you.

I cancelled Yeri’s babysitting services and I insisted I would stay home. What’s one Saturday night holed up in the living room with Lion King playing on the TV?

Just the three of us and a bowl of popcorn.

You fell asleep on my lap while Irene was snoring on my shoulder. I couldn’t move. I didn’t mind.

  
Dear Lia,

I have a prediction that you’re going to be a budding artist someday.

Just like your mom.

We introduced you to finger painting so we could do a photoshoot with you exploring the wonders of paint. Lisa couldn’t drop by since she’s stuck in New York with her girlfriend. I had to improvise by myself. What began as an innocent slather of pink on Irene’s chin turned into an hour of paint war.

It resulted with us getting more paint on ourselves than the white sheet you had painted on. The color yellow dominated the other four colors we laid out for you to play with. Irene tried to be casual about it, but she knew where you got your fondness for the color.

I requested Lisa to review the photographs I took and she sent me one she dubbed as “one for the books”.

It was you and me ganging up on Irene with our hands dipped in paint.

I just might frame it.

  
Dear Lia,

How are you three already?

You went from climbing out of your crib to sneaking into my room to cuddle beside me. Irene was obviously jealous, but then I reminded her that you do the exact same thing to her except she doesn’t notice because she’s too busy snoring.

You added salt to the wound by calling her a Snorlax.

Ahh, I wish you could be my baby forever.

  
Dear Lia,

I’m embarrassed you had to see me and Irene in the middle of a fight.

  
Dear Lia,

Everyone’s going back to Seoul.

I can’t just quit on my degree. I’ve busted my butt for so long to have it within my reach while it’s so calm for Irene to say she can pack up and accept her promotion in the Seoul branch of the tech company she works in.

I love you, Lia.

What should I do.

  
Dear Lia,

Your Eomma and I have regressed to hating each other. I feel like a failure. I’ve failed your mom. I’ve failed your dad. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I was suffocating.

But I made a mistake. I want to take back everything I said to her. It’s been a week. The house is deafeningly quiet without your tiny giggles in the background.

I love you and I miss you.

  
Dear Lia,

I appreciate that Irene allows me to Facetime you during the evenings, but the feeling doesn’t compare to having you in my arms.

I miss you so much.

  
Dear Lia,

The girl of your dreams can sometimes be a whole other person from the girl before your eyes.

Break-ups suck.

I miss you.

  
Dear Lia,

I’m graduating in a month. I’ll be seeing you very soon. Your Eomma still hates me, but we will work it out as we did.

I miss you.

Maybe I miss your Eomma too.

  
Dear Lia,

Toronto had been my home for many years. I thought I was going to be severely homesick at having to relocate, but when you ran into my arms at the airport, you felt like home.

  
Dear Lia,

I’m never ever leaving you again.

  
Dear Lia,

Irene still hates me but I’m not going to rest until she speaks more than three sentences to me. It will be hard but it will be worth it.

  
Dear Lia,

Irene woke up groggy this morning saying, “Joy, why does it kinda smell like Son Seungwan?” Joy did ask the previous night if she could use the brand-new stove to test out a breakfast recipe Jisoo taught her. Irene didn’t anticipate that I would come in to the apartment and cook for the both of you.

She probably forgot I had memorized the door lock’s code. I startled her and she screamed at the top of her lungs. That was one heck of an alarm clock for you, huh?

  
Dear Lia,

Irene laughed at a joke I said.

This is progress.

  
Dear Lia,

You’re four now!

You have become less fussy, but you’re more vocal on the things you dislike. Vegetables for example. While it was hilarious that the broccoli you threw shot straight inside the blender with Irene’s smoothie, you gotta have your veggies.

For your birthday, I got you a coloring set which you immediately brought out the moment we got home. Irene got you pink ballet flats that you wore in an instant. She was nervous you wouldn’t like it. I told her it’s nothing to worry about.

I made my point by repeating “I told you so” when you opened the box with a smile. She hit my face with a plate of cake.

I love you my little munchkin.

  
Dear Lia,

I feel stupid for only noticing it now, but Irene has a very pretty smile.

You laughed. You pinky promised me it will be our secret.

  
Dear Lia,

You betrayed me. You sold me out to your Eomma. I thought her having a pretty smile was our secret? Now, she won’t let it go.

You’re always troubling me, my little munchkin.

  
Dear Lia,

I thank the heavens that you have grown out of your Baby Shark phase and proceeded to a Disney phase. Saturday movie night in the living room is my favorite agenda to look forward to at the end of the week.

Irene has transformed into a gigantic koala bear on our movie nights, clinging to me like I’m a breathing eucalyptus tree. She says it’s too cold and she’s just harvesting my body heat for her personal gain.

You would scrunch your nose at us and say that we’re being gross. I have not been heavily judged by a child before so I had no idea what to tell you.

  
Dear Lia,

So…

Our situation is as complicated as it is. We’ve told you how Irene and I aren’t together, unlike your friends’ mommies and daddies. That Irene and I have a shared responsibility in raising you. You didn’t question much of it anyway.

But when you ran in on us kissing…the complication has intensified in your little head. I suck at explanations so I’m going to hand the floor to Irene for this. I’ll still be pitching in, but she’ll do most of the talking.

I can’t help but think about how your mom and dad must be laughing at us from above.

  
Dear Lia,

Happy fifth birthday, my tiny munchkin!

I haven’t updated the journal in months. To summarize where you are, sneaking in to sleep right next to us has been convenient for you since you have one room to sneak into this time. You’d be wedged in between Irene and I in the mornings, your feet sometimes on my face.

Today, we left you to sleep in for a few more minutes as I cooked breakfast. When you came in to the kitchen, you mused at how “it kinda smells like Son Seungwan”. Irene got a crack at that.

I asked her if I really do smell like breakfast and…she said some things I would rather not disclose.

I’ll cut it here for now.

I love you, munchkin.

And maybe your Eomma as well.

p.s. she read this so I have been forced against my will to proclaim my love for bae irene. 

i love you too, my beautiful walking headache

**Author's Note:**

> this has been inspired by the movie "life as we know it". i've also left hints on who lia's mom is in this story
> 
> thank you for reading :)


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